4 things to do to rebuild & repair your connection with your child/teen

Feeling disconnected from your child can be deeply painful. The good news is—connection can be rebuilt. Here are four things you need to start doing to repair and strengthen your relationship.

1. Be gentle with themRemember that the loss of connection has been hard on your child too. When a child feels disconnected from their parent, it often shows up as behavioral issues, anxiety, poor concentration at school, or anger outbursts. Try to focus less on the behavior and more on the unmet need underneath the behavior.

2. Let go of what won’t matter in five yearsIf you are fighting and arguing with your teen about the same things every single day, it may be time to let go. Eye-rolling, messy rooms, a disrespectful tone, and door banging are not intended to frustrate you. These behaviors are often your teen’s way of managing their own frustration and emotional overwhelm.

3. Take ownership of repairing the connectionThe responsibility of repairing the relationship lies with you. You are the adult, the leader, and the guide in this relationship. Your child does not yet have the emotional bandwidth or the tools to navigate this situation. Take ownership and accountability for your emotional health and the tone of the relationship.

4. Seek support and strengthen your connectionWe are fortunate to have access to many resources today. Acknowledge that this situation can be hard on both you and your child. Consider encouraging your child to work with a therapist, and seek out a parent coach for yourself for emotional support.Spend intentional time strengthening your connection with your child. Get to know them. Listen without judgment. Your child may not have felt truly heard by you before—make a conscious effort to change that.